Honestly Speaking

the mirror seems to be my greatest enemy

I just don’t understand.

i feel like a black hole, incapable of holding any light.

every smile, every laugh

desperately trying to erase the sad thoughts lingering in the background.

masking every step, blending in

but no matter how hard i try

i still find myself spilling my guts, with this pen to this paper

telling it things i wouldn’t utter to a soul.

to be enough i tell myself:

loose a little weight, buy some cuter clothes, be anything but you because you will Never be enough

honestly speaking:

sometimes i’d be happier being anyone but myself

perfectly unattainable

i live my life in shame that i’m not something no one expects me to be *perfect*

the image of perfection is never perfect

but yet here i am hating myself for not achieving the unattainable

thinking that somehow i’m not trying hard enough

i’m not sure if that’s low self esteem or straight up narcissism

that i of all beings could be perfection if i just tried hard enough

impossible but still in the realm of possibility

but my permanent scars, cellulite, blemish’s, and melanin

tell a different story

perfection simply isn’t me

yet i still expect myself to accomplish it