Temporary

i imagine happiness like a warm bath

no matter how you twist or turn warmness comforts any anxiety

until slowly the water chills

you’re left shivering in cloudy liquid

wondering why you thought it would last forever

perfectly unattainable

the image of perfection is never perfect

but yet here i am hating myself for not achieving the unattainable

thinking that somehow i’m not trying hard enough

i’m not sure if that’s low self esteem or straight up narcissism

that i of all beings could be perfection if i just tried hard enough

impossible but still in the realm of possibility

but my permanent scars, cellulite, blemish’s, and melanin

tell a different story

perfection simply isn’t me

yet i still expect myself to accomplish it

I told a lie

a black hole grew in my chest

i told another

until i saw the little fires i had started

everything i loved burned alive

the black hole took over

never to be the same

in the mirror i still see the monster

the monster is me

and i started those little fires